Praying for Time

I heard one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard when Carrie Underwood took the stage last night on Idol Gives Back.

I'm not sure why but when I listen to this song, I'm reminded of the personal changes I've been through during the past few years. Many a time I felt the need to consciously force something down my throat because my spirit naturally resisted it. Some people called it "growing up". I guess in many ways it is. But sometimes it makes me wonder if it's a good thing.

In my efforts to be aware, I became paranoid and wary. I intended to be financially savvy, yet I became calculative and selfish. Intending to be shrewd, I became manipulative. When I was told that I shouldn't trust people too easily, I lost faith in them entirely. When I decided that people were two-faced, I hugged everything I had to my chest and stopped looking for the good in people. Then something even worse happened without me even realizing it. Because I always felt I had to protect myself, I lost that child-like faith and trust in God. I became weary and angry.

"So you scream from behind your door
Say whats mine is mine, and not yours
I may have too much
But I'll take my chances because God stopped keeping score
And you cling to the things they sold you
Did you cover your eyes when they told you
That He can't come back
Because He has no children to come back for."

"And its hard to love when theres so much to hate
Hanging on to hope
When there is no hope to speak of
And the wounded skies above say its much too late
Well maybe we should all be praying for time."

I've had The Best of George Michael in my collection for the longest time and I guess I've always skipped that song because I wanted to get to Freedom 90, As and Careless Whisper. But when I listen to it now, I wonder why I never gave it the attention it deserved.

I know how it feels to want to look for the good in something but it is so difficult that it hurts. Jesus taught me to love my neighbor. But it's so hard to love when there's so much to hate. Even though I know that's where the grace of God comes in, and therein lies the opportunity to rise above my ability, I thank George Michael for understanding and addressing my situation. I'm sure if George Michael understood, God would too.

I guess growing up means finding balance in everything.

Of Love

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"How much?"

"Six thousand trillion billion and five million thousand."

"Six thousand trillion billion and five million thousand of what?"

"Of love."